Raising Confident Children

As you may or may not know we will be welcoming the newest member to our little family in March and we couldn't be more excited. But with all this excitement there is also a slight (actually large) bit of fear. Why fear you may ask well for starters we are going to be new at this whole parenting thing and making our family of 2 (well 3 if you count the dog) into a family of 3 (or 4 again including our mangy mutt) will be quite the adjustment. I have been thinking and planning because that is what I do best all the time about how different our lives will be. There will be no more "quick" stops at the library or making only one trip to and from the car. My mantra will be crushed
                        
Seriously I will carry everything in the car from the grocery store in one trip just so I don't have to go back out there again. The hubby thinks I'm crazy but hey I have stuff to get done. I don't want to waste time running back and forth from the car a million times when if I balance everything just right I can make it in one trip. And besides with it getting cold the less I'm outside the better for all. Anyways.... back to where I was before I had my little tangent.... raising this child is going to be the hardest most rewarding thing we will ever do in our lives but not only do we want our child to be strong and faithful in the gospel we also want them to be confident in themselves and know that we have confidence in them. But how do you accomplish that?

I have pinned many many articles from pinterest about raising confident children and so far this is what I have concluded from my research.....

1) You must be an example of a confident women first.
             If you want to raise someone confident then you must do the same. How can we expect our children to do the things that we would like them to do if we don't show them first. They must learn from us. So be confident in yourself first. Read my thoughts here.

2) Help cultivate a relationship with her father or another trusted male figure.
             Words cannot even express how important my father is to me. I love my husband more then words could ever say but my father still has a special place in my heart. The relationship my father and I have is one that every child should have. Cultivate meaningful relationships with your children.

3)Use positive affirmation and actions constantly! 
              We all feel good when someone gives us a heartfelt compliment or encouraging word or action. Granted we have the power to choose how that makes us feel and what we glean from it (More on that later) but ultimately it is so wonderful when we are praised. Studies show that positive parenting/positive feedback has a greater  effect on children and their self esteem.

5) Communication 
              Communication early I feel has a huge impact on how we create relationship with others and how willing we are to allow others words to form our lives. Being open in communication with feelings and how words or images affect us is something I wish that I was better at but I am working on it.

6) Know who you are and the royal family you came from
               I feel as if the greatest help to me in being confident in myself (for the most part) is knowing where I have come from and where I will be going. I know that without a doubt my Father in Heaven Loves me. He wants me to be successful and return to him. I know that I am a Child of God. My royalty is far behold and rubies or diamonds because of who my Father is. I know how special his daughters are to Him because of the way that he treats his tender loving wife and my Heavenly Mother. Have I always had this confidence in my Father in Heaven know. There was a time in life where I didn't know who I was and if I was going to be able to make it through another day. I was in a bad place. I look back now and know that without that experience in life I would not be the woman I am today but it still saddens me that I got to that point of such disrespect for myself. I'm not perfect in my confidence by any means but whenever I start to feel bad about the woman I am and what I may look like or my weight I remember that those things are very small compared to the love Heavenly Father, Husband and Family unconditionally give me.

My favorite Movie.... A Little Princess

I hope that those reading will find in themselves the strength to become a more confident father, mother and parent to those around them. Check out these websites for a place to start.

http://www.womansday.com/sex-relationships/family/raise-confident-woman#slide-9
http://www.divinecaroline.com/22106/98589-girl-power-nine-ways-build
http://babydustdiaries.com/2012/02/15-tips-for-raising-kids-with-a-positive-body-image/
http://www.mommamadeitlookeasy.com/2012/07/raising-strong-daughters.html
http://www.stepfaniesdesk.com/2012/10/how-can-we-raise-confident-girls.html
http://www.diapersdaisies.com/2012/08/raising-daughter-series-what-i-want-to.html

Here are a couple cute books on being confident as well

         


Also check out this awesome video.... Just makes my day

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Letting it Go

Jordan and I have been married for two and a half years. It as be great and we absolutely have been happy. We I can say have never fought! Now some of you probably wonder how this can be that we have never fought with each other. Well don't take it the wrong way but we do disagree but neither Jordan nor I have slept on the couch out of anger or said hurtful words to each other. I have been thinking and researching as to why this is. Is it because of our birth order, ( he being the youngest and I the oldest) our age difference of 4 years, personality profile, our love language or what and upon researching I came upon this great article here, that talks all about letting the little things go. I feel that this is why Jordan and I don't fight.

There are many things that Jordan does and I as well that are NOT how the other would do it.

 I for one, fold all of my socks like this

and Jordan folds his socks like this

I must point out first that there is no "right" way to fold socks. Both ways of folding socks accomplish the true task of getting the clean laundry out of the basket and into a drawer. Do I like how Jordan wants his socks folded? No, not really but it is a mute point. The fact that the socks are being put away is really all that matters. Right?

If you know me then you know that I have a type A personality. My characteristics include these 

Hostility, impatience, difficulty expressing emotions, competitiveness, drive, PERFECTIONISM, and dependence on external rewards such as wealth, status and power. (take the test here).

I must admit that it has taken some time to come to this point in our marriage where neither one of us 

(mostly me) has dwelt on the small things. It used to really bug me when the hubby would just throw the socks in his drawer. I folded them for him once and he was all sorts of confused as to why I did that. He didn't get mad at me or anything. (I have gotten mad at him a couple of times though, OOPS sorry babe.) But it was then that I realized that it didn't matter how the socks were put aways or how the clothes in my closet were put away that fact still remained, Jordan was the one putting the clothes away and he was going to do it how he wanted to even if it was different then how I wanted them done. We have both compromised on things in our marriage for each other. This is another great thing we have done. More on that here.

I have been able to witness many many relationships from the people around and learn from their mistakes. Some couples I have come in contact with understand this concept and do really really well at letting go of the little things others have had such a hard time with this that there have been many "battles" in their marriage. Those marriages that have a battle constantly struggle with getting basic things done. They can't get things done together most of the time. If they do the task separately things get done but there is always one in the partnership that goes back through and either changes how the other did it or makes a comment that it was done wrong. This type of relationship can go both ways most of the time it is the wife who is annal but sometimes it is the husband. Or the outcome I have seen is that there is one spouse who just conforms to the wishes of the other and accepts the dominance. I don't think either one of these ways are a way to have an eternal marriage. 

Now i'm not saying that everything is always going to be gumdrops and rainbows because that is life and we all have bad days and blow a gasket. And I do believe that there are certain situations that call for a particular way of doing things as well as accepting dominance of another. But here are some suggestions that will help you on your path to letting the little things go.

1. Remember what the true task at hand is

2. Take a deep breath and count to 10

3.  Have gratitude

4. Say thank you no matter what

5. Compromise , compromise, compromise

6. Start out small and then grow from there

7. Ask for clarification of why they think it should be this way

8. Say I LOVE YOU

I have a certain ways of doing things that work for me. I plan lists and have a schedule of what should be done. And the hubby has his way of cleaning and organizing his things, But in the last two years I have come to realize that it is ok if the towels are folded differently and they are not all facing the same way in the drawer. Or that the man cave is messy and I cant find anything in it. Do I wish that everything was organized in my home how I would like them to be that is a big YES! But I would rather have a home full of love and a bond with my husband that surpasses all. I want to wake up every morning knowing that my husband and I TOGETHER can accomplish anything even if we have different ways of completing the task. I want to let the little things go and compromise the small issues in life that have no effect on what eternity will be like.   Dishes done a certain way, laundry folded one way, shirts hung up all facing the same direction or even how to put on your shoes are all trivial things that don't matter one way or another. 

Returning to Heavenly Father as a Family to share in Eternal glory is all that is really important. 

Your challenge is to let the little things go this week. See what this simple change can do to your relationships in life. Comment and tell me what you have done and how it is working. 

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Wall Demolition

Nice and old paneling was in our living room until my wonderful husband and father and law took it out and made me a new wall.

We tried to just leave the paneling there are cover up the grooves with spackling and a coat of paint but this is what happened...

Lets just say that it didn't work. So as I entertained 8 little munchkins for a little while my father in law began ripping off the paneling. Ill let the pictures explain the rest.

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Now the wall is all painted and my husband made a beautiful rock fireplace for me as well. Those pictures to come.

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Thursday Thoughts

Well I decided that every Thursday I was going to give my two cents on anything and everything. I figured it would give you the reader something to comment on and ponder throughout the weekend.  I apologize now if I can't make it every Thursday but I will try.  Now as a for warning these thought I have will be many and are only MY thoughts. It is pretty much the world according to me. Please comment to your hearts content and enjoy....

I'm a Mormon, I know It, I live It, I Love It- Ann M Dibb General Conference Oct. 2012

photokapi.com

Now let me start out by saying that General Conference was great and I was able to listen to all the sessions. Of course there is always a couple talks that stand out to me and make me think. In the first saturday session Sister Dibb gave this Talk. At first I was really on board with the talk but as she continued on I became frustrated and confused. She talked about being a mormon (if you haven't gathered it yet... I'm Mormon) and how we are supposed to exemplify the teachings of Christ and not be ashamed of the religion.

Now, I'm all for this concept but I'm confused as to where the line is. At what point do we stand up for what we believe in is it going to far? My confidence in the church and it's teachings has no limit. I love the church and love my Heavenly Father and the Savior but I don't go proclaiming it to everyone that I meet and forcing my beliefs on them. To Me ( again only the world according to Caitlyn) this statement,
 "I'm a Mormon, I know it , I live it, I Love it", is similar to shoving it down my throat that you are Mormon.

I feel the same way when I see anything pertaining to one's religion whether it is good or bad. Do we really need to stand at the grocery store and yell our beliefs for all to hear? Has the world become become so far from what religion teaches that we must use bold proclamations to show our love for what we believe? I know I live in a region where there are many members of the church. (There are also many members of other churches as well.) Has this great abundance of members tainted my view of what Not being ashamed really is?

Now let me make this clear I don't care what race, color, religion, short, fat, tall, skinny, purple hair or green that you are or have you are still  a son and daughter to not only the King in Heaven but also to your family here in the earth. You are a mother, father, brother, sister, son or daughter to someone who cares very much about you.You are important to someone. I see you as you. We may not agree on things and have different views of the world but your opinion still matters.

Sometimes I feel members of the church have a "God" like attitude when it comes to others who don't believe the same things that they do. They have little tolerance for others and quickly jump to the conclusion that they are a bad person because they are different. This thinking unfortunately causes much contention. When I here this statement, all I hear is i'm better than you and I know it.

So where is the line? How do I get over this feeling of inadequacy in such a simple statement? I'm not ashamed of the church and I love it with all my heart but I'm confused! Can anyone Help?

 What do you think about this statement? 

"I'm a Mormon, I know it,  I live it, I Love it."

Please post your comments and thoughts.

Until next Thursday. 

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made my day!

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Dreams

Ever since getting pregnant I have had some really weird dreams. Now I don't remember any of these dreams but I do however remember the feelings thy induced upon waking up. For about a week straight I woke up furious with Jordan. I have no idea why I'm so furious but man was I mad at him. I would wake up and just want to scream at him but I don't know what I would say seeing as I don't remember what made me mad in the first place. After these wonderful dreams (ok maybe not wonderful) I had a dream that was so terrifying that I woke myself up crying. I thought for sure that Jordan would be awakened by my crying but he slept right through it. Last year I had a terrifying dream that caused me to wake Jordan up. I guess he is not so much of a light sleeper anymore.

So to top things off last night I had two crazy dreams. Which to my surprise I remember. The first went a little something like this...

I was in the park which just so happened to be Alameda park (park around where I live) where there is a pathway the runs along the outside of the park and huge trees line the path. In my dream I was running from something or someone but instead of running I was jumping like a squirrel or monkey from tree to tree. Now I have to admit that is pretty awesome right! I would not just barely jump I would take leaping bounds from one tree to the next flying through the air. It was pretty cool. Sadly this dream ended due to the fact I had to go to the bathroom. So as far as who was chasing me, why and how long the chase lasted, those questions will still remain a mystery  (almost like a good book but not quite)

Dream number #2

After using the bathroom and tossing and turning for another hour to two hour or so I finally fell asleep again (it was well after 4:00am). In this dream I was flying. I would bounce of the ground similar to the other dream and fly high up into the air not having anyone or anything holding me down. I didn't have to flap my arms awkwardly nor did I have wings I could just fly. Now looking back on the dream It kind of reminds me on the disney movie.....

This is such a cute show if you have not watched it yet you missing out. The love story in it is so cute but the humour is even better The story goes to follow an old grumpy man who lost his wife and is now being kicked out of his home. He fills his home with big ballons so that he can take his precious belongs to paradise. In the process he meets a dog that can talk, a cub scout boy doing his good deed,  an extinct animal. Very very cute movie it also has a bad guy like every other disney movie. Anyway.... coming back from my tangent this last dream didn't last that long because again I was awoken by my full bladder telling it was time to get up. I don't know where I was flying to or why but it was pretty cool to be able to fly. Maybe one day i will be able to.

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