Thursday, October 18, 2012

Letting it Go

Jordan and I have been married for two and a half years. It as be great and we absolutely have been happy. We I can say have never fought! Now some of you probably wonder how this can be that we have never fought with each other. Well don't take it the wrong way but we do disagree but neither Jordan nor I have slept on the couch out of anger or said hurtful words to each other. I have been thinking and researching as to why this is. Is it because of our birth order, ( he being the youngest and I the oldest) our age difference of 4 years, personality profile, our love language or what and upon researching I came upon this great article here, that talks all about letting the little things go. I feel that this is why Jordan and I don't fight.

There are many things that Jordan does and I as well that are NOT how the other would do it.

 I for one, fold all of my socks like this

and Jordan folds his socks like this

I must point out first that there is no "right" way to fold socks. Both ways of folding socks accomplish the true task of getting the clean laundry out of the basket and into a drawer. Do I like how Jordan wants his socks folded? No, not really but it is a mute point. The fact that the socks are being put away is really all that matters. Right?

If you know me then you know that I have a type A personality. My characteristics include these 

Hostility, impatience, difficulty expressing emotions, competitiveness, drive, PERFECTIONISM, and dependence on external rewards such as wealth, status and power. (take the test here).

I must admit that it has taken some time to come to this point in our marriage where neither one of us 
(mostly me) has dwelt on the small things. It used to really bug me when the hubby would just throw the socks in his drawer. I folded them for him once and he was all sorts of confused as to why I did that. He didn't get mad at me or anything. (I have gotten mad at him a couple of times though, OOPS sorry babe.) But it was then that I realized that it didn't matter how the socks were put aways or how the clothes in my closet were put away that fact still remained, Jordan was the one putting the clothes away and he was going to do it how he wanted to even if it was different then how I wanted them done. We have both compromised on things in our marriage for each other. This is another great thing we have done. More on that here.

I have been able to witness many many relationships from the people around and learn from their mistakes. Some couples I have come in contact with understand this concept and do really really well at letting go of the little things others have had such a hard time with this that there have been many "battles" in their marriage. Those marriages that have a battle constantly struggle with getting basic things done. They can't get things done together most of the time. If they do the task separately things get done but there is always one in the partnership that goes back through and either changes how the other did it or makes a comment that it was done wrong. This type of relationship can go both ways most of the time it is the wife who is annal but sometimes it is the husband. Or the outcome I have seen is that there is one spouse who just conforms to the wishes of the other and accepts the dominance. I don't think either one of these ways are a way to have an eternal marriage. 

Now i'm not saying that everything is always going to be gumdrops and rainbows because that is life and we all have bad days and blow a gasket. And I do believe that there are certain situations that call for a particular way of doing things as well as accepting dominance of another. But here are some suggestions that will help you on your path to letting the little things go.

1. Remember what the true task at hand is
2. Take a deep breath and count to 10
3.  Have gratitude
4. Say thank you no matter what
5. Compromise , compromise, compromise
6. Start out small and then grow from there
7. Ask for clarification of why they think it should be this way

I have a certain ways of doing things that work for me. I plan lists and have a schedule of what should be done. And the hubby has his way of cleaning and organizing his things, But in the last two years I have come to realize that it is ok if the towels are folded differently and they are not all facing the same way in the drawer. Or that the man cave is messy and I cant find anything in it. Do I wish that everything was organized in my home how I would like them to be that is a big YES! But I would rather have a home full of love and a bond with my husband that surpasses all. I want to wake up every morning knowing that my husband and I TOGETHER can accomplish anything even if we have different ways of completing the task. I want to let the little things go and compromise the small issues in life that have no effect on what eternity will be like.   Dishes done a certain way, laundry folded one way, shirts hung up all facing the same direction or even how to put on your shoes are all trivial things that don't matter one way or another. 

Returning to Heavenly Father as a Family to share in Eternal glory is all that is really important. 

Your challenge is to let the little things go this week. See what this simple change can do to your relationships in life. Comment and tell me what you have done and how it is working. 

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