Friday, May 24, 2013

Being Evangeline's Mom

Well my little bug is 2 months old. It seems like time is going by slowly. 2 months is really not a long time but I'm so glad that it is going by so slow. She is such a wonderful addition to our family. Even though she can get  from happy and content to screaming mad in .2 seconds I wouldn't have it any other way. Even when she is crying just to cry I just laugh because I know it wont be like this for long. There will come a day when she is the one writing a post like this to her daughter.

I'm so excited for the days when she has long hair and is not sporting the bald look so that I can play with her hair and make her look so cute and we can play dress up and have tea parties and mornings filled with make-up experimenting. It will be so exciting when she can talk and to hear her first words. But as much as I want these things I don't want them either.

 I LOVE LOVE LOVE being able to cuddle her to death and kiss her little chubby cheeks. She is the only thing I have these days to cuddle. The dog sucks at cuddling and the husband is gone. But Evangeline is the best cuddler ever. It melts my heart every morning when she wakes up and smiles at me. I cant even explain how gratifying it is to know that I am the one that has been able to make her smile first thing in the day. Sometimes the simplest of things is what makes being her mommy the greatest blessing of all. The moment when she grabs my shirt hanging on for dear life knowing that I am her mommy and that she is mine, when she lays her head softly on my shoulder and nuzzles in, or when she looks up at me with big bright eyes and just stares at me, these are the moments that I will never forget. She is the closest thing to Heaven that I will ever be able to obtain at this time.

She spends all day with me and it is the best thing in the world. Even though I have to be at work all day she is still by my side. Some days she stay's in her pajamas all day! ( bad mom I know) But she is so stinking cute in her Zebra jammies that I just dont want to change her out of them.  It has been a really rough last 5 months at our house but Evangeline has been the bright spot in all of the confusion and mess. She is one strong little girl to come to this crazy world at this time. The world is so full of yuck that I hope and pray she will be able to find her way back to our Heavenly Father. She is one valiant daughter of a King though. I know she was saved for this time because she can handle what will be thrown at her.

I have waited my whole life to have a baby. All I have ever wanted for as long as I can remember is to get married in the temple and be a mommy. I was so excited to marry my sweetheart and finally be able to cross off one of my most treasured goals in life. Shortly after getting married the thought crossed my mind many times that I needed my baby. But one year passed and then another. After many many times trying to only end in failure , It was heartbreaking and I had given up hope. But as luck would have it, we found out we were expecting and I was so so excited. Looking back now I know why we had to wait. If we would have had children any time sooner in our life together Jordan would not have been able to take the job that he has now. Every day there are little things that reassure me that this was the right timing for us. As hard as it has been to be a single parent I wouldn't trade it for anything. Heavenly Father knew that I needed this little girl all to myself for the first little bit. She is my everything and I cant begin to express how grateful I am to have her in my life and to be her mommy. I hope that I can be a great mom to her like my mom is to me.

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