Friday, November 2, 2012


Thursday thoughts but it is friday due to an ultrasound appointment to find out what we are having. Please forgive me for putting this on the back burner this is my first child and finding out what we are having has been on my mind and caused great inner turmoil. :)

Since finding out that we are expecting, I have been doing a lot of reading and studying on parenting. I have found many things that I agree with and don't agree with. But, one universal thing I have found that is so important is the tone we use to teach right from wrong.

Check out this site to see where I got started on this topic today.

What is tone? states this


  [tohn]  Show IPA ,noun, verb, toned, ton·ing.
any sound considered with reference to its quality, pitch,strength, source, etc.: shrill tones.
quality or character of sound.
vocal sound; the sound made by vibrating muscular bands inthe larynx.
a particular quality, way of sounding, modulation, orintonation of the voice as expressive of some meaning,feeling, spirit, etc.: a tone of command.
an accent peculiar to a person, people, locality, etc., or characteristic mode of sounding words in speech. 

Now keeping that in mind think about how you talk to your dog. In a high pitched loving voice "Oh you are such a bad dog but I love you!" In  a deep mean voice "Oh I love you dog!". We talk like this naturally when talking to animals. I know that I do when I talk to our puppy. She has no idea what I'm saying but based on the tonality of my voice she either cowers or wags her tail like there is no tomorrow.
She is just so dang cute! 
But how does this relate to teaching and children. From the time we are newborns we are conditions to read tone without any other forms of communication. Little babies can't talk or understand words but they do understand the tone in our voices. They know when we are sad, happy, anxious, angry and they can read into those feelings. Even Animals can.  Sometimes I think as adults our tones are very negative and come across as rude or mean. We don't intend for our words to hurt but they do. 

I have caught myself on many occasions talking to my husband and realizing that my tone of voice is not very nice and may be a little bit condescending. It is in the moments like that that I realize how much my tone affects the outcome of the situation. When I keep my tone in check I'm able to receive the answers to my questions without ruining the wonderful relationship my husband and I have together.  

Nicholeen Peck states this about relationships and tone-

"Relationships are drastically affected by tone. When a child cries or whines their parent immediately changes. The alteration depends on the relationship habits and problem solving skills of the parent and child. Some parents immediately pamper the child, while others begin power struggling and threatening. By contrast, more assertive parents choose to recognize the tone and identify the skill needed. They check to see if they are calm, and then effectively communicate the needed change to the child... while focusing the whole time on improving the tone they are carrying in their own heart.

Since we feel more than we ever hear, parents change the hearts of their children by consistently governing their own tones while teaching essential skills in a self-government structure."

Her statement on how we feel more than we hear is so profound. How many times have we read and email, text, facebook status and taken it the wrong way because we have implied tone to it that is not really there. 
I have also tried to watch my tone when teaching my dance classes and primary class. I love teaching my classes and love when they learn and you can see the light bulb click. While watching my tone I have come to find out that the kids are way more responsive when I use a teachable tone. 

In preparing to welcome this little GIRL into our family I have made it my goal to watch the tone that I use when speaking with others. I don't want to be the type of parent that my child feels i'm condescending and that they can not do anything. I want my child to know what great potential they have. 

WOW! #kids #quotes #parenting
What do you think about tone? Does the tone you use or someone else uses towards you affect how you react? 

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